SubscribeI watched the DVD “The Ugly truth” the other day and I was actually quite surprised how much I agreed with the sentiments of the character of Mike. Maybe that makes me a bad person, I don’t know, but I just couldn’t help agreeing with most things he said. I’m only interested in a relationship with a woman for one reason and that reason is sex. Thats not to say I can’t form a caring relationship and be friends, just that if there is no sex in a relationship or the sex is a one way deal where only one of us seems to want it, then it’s just easier to be purely friends. I’m not going to be as offencive as Mike and say that all men are like this… Personally I like to think they are, but there will always be someone out there who would take offence at that.
Sure, I really not the best person to talk about love and relationships. The longest relationship I have had is 6 months, and every woman I have actually felt any real love for hasn’t felt the same for me. Maybe I’m picky… Maybe I’m just too damn honest… Maybe I’m not honest enough. Either way, I have had enough experience with dating to know that I’m over the whole chase / looking for the one thing. I guess I’m at the point that I’m happy to see what happens, and hope that there’s enough interest from both sides to keep things going. I don’t understand relationships without an active sex life, personally the only reason I see for having a relationship that is more than just a caring friendship is so that you can have a safe and active sex life.
I think that more women should watch “The Ugly Truth” and take heed of the leasons of Mike, he has some interesting and truthful things to say in amongst some stuff that is well… Ugly. ;)
Did you like this? If so, please bookmark it,
I’ve not seen the film to which you refer, but I do not see what is profound or revealing about your description of it. You seem to be saying; I have friendships with people I don’t have sex with and I have more intimate relationships with people I do have sex with and if I am not having sex with them the relationship is less intimate than if I am. My reflexive response to that is: well duh!
Also let me attest to the fact that not all men are seeking relationships involving sex. In my experience, the stereotype of men wanting regular sex has exceptions. And the stereotype of men wanting more sex than women is not backed up by my sample.
If I did watch the film you refer to I would expect to see a theme based around stereotypes bordering on parody and bitter whining from a guy who is failing to treat women like human beings.
Firstly, what part of a personal blog called “Bleep, Dots and Nonsense…” would lead you to believe that there is anything profound or revealing stated here? ;) Like all personal blogs this is more of a place for me to express myself, throw out idea’s to the world and generally write nonsense. In this case it was that I’m very much like the character Mike, in the sense that I don’t see the point in a formal relationship if there isn’t good regular sex involved which is initiated equaly by both parties.
Oh and I totally agree with your sample. I guess one of the issues I have is that in my sample, the majority of women WANT sex, but don’t seem willing to initiate it. This may be because they are relying on the stereotype of men always being ready for sex. I find that women talk more about wanting sex but when it comes to actually doing it, they become shy and less willing to actually get involved. Maybe this is just me… maybe I’m doing something wrong, I don’t know.
And if you did watch the film you would not be disapointed. ;)
Although I havent seen “The Ugly Truth” I can say that there is some measure of reality to this blog.
From my own personal experience I find that a ‘relationship’ with no sex/one way initiation of sex is possibly the most souless and disheartening place to be. It is much better to simply be friends with those people we care enough about to let them in, but are not sexually attracted to…(or even if we are and they arent).
I have never had the misfortune of being in a totaly sexless relationship, But then again I am one of those strange people who still talk to 90% of my exes.
Yes, the women want sex, but due to the cultural stereotypes of what is attractive behaviour for a woman, aggressively pursuing sex is not acceptable.
See, when a man initiates sex, he is “being manly” ie: behaving in accordance with his gender stereotype, no harm is done to his masculinity at all. If a woman initiates sex, she is going against gender stereotyping, behaving in a less feminine way, therefore making herself less acceptable in our culture.
Consider direct peer pressure, too: A man alone may be ecstatic to be propositioned by a woman, but if the propositioning is done in the presence of men who will think the woman to be skanky for so doing, therefore think less of the man who takes up her offer, the object of her attention is less likely to have sex with her and more likely to refuse her and shun her thereafter.
Also, for the same reasons of gender stereotyping, for a woman to pursue sex and be rejected, particularly by a man, is an order of magnitude more humiliating than for a man to be rejected by a woman. The latter is so expected that it is a cliche. The former carries the double shock of a woman breaking ranks to hit on a man *and* the unexpectedness of a man turning down an offer of sex.
Now, imagine that the woman is fat and old when measured against the ideals of our culture; imagine that she is certain that nobody would want to have sex with her, and it gets very, very difficult for her to even look interested in sex. It is undignified to lust after what you can’t have, so preserving what dignity is left becomes very important.
I’m not saying the above is in any way good, just that, as an older fat lady, that’s how things look from my perspective.
WoW… See to me the fact that women behave as you have described is the actual turn off. If women were more honest about what they wanted with whom they wanted it they might find that they get want they want more often. ;) Take the lovely Jodi for instance, she no supermodel but she is beautiful in her own way simply because she’s totally honest about what she wants and what she expects. To me that makes her a wonderful friend and a beautiful person (BTW, that honesty is not necessarily just about sex, but about everything). Then there are so many other physically beautiful people, that when I get to know them I find them internally ugly and not nice people to be around (To be honest, I find more of these types of people than I have ever found beautiful people on the inside as well as outside). Beauty is in the eye of the beholder and I truely believe that the cultural stereotype of the women that you are describing is created by women for women to keep other women away from all the good men. ;) I believe it’s also part of what makes beautiful women on the outside turn out to be ordinary women on the inside.
We all have our insecurities, more often than not they prevent us from getting what we want. I know for a fact that my insecurities have kept me from alot of things. They may even be keeping me from forming a long lasting relationship, however I doubt that… I think what is stopping me from doing that is that I can’t fall truely in love with someone if the sex is all one way. I can fall for them initially.. but if that sexual connection just isn’t there… if there is no spark, no reciprocation… then there’s no real relationship and I tend to just well… drop back to being friends. The cycle of this happening then makes me less and less worried about forming a real relationship, and I become more of the typical man just out for sex. And that’s what this whole blog post is about, I am that man and I’m not really that shy about admitting it. Most guy’s don’t need relationships, but they are willing to go along with them if they are getting what they want. At least thats my opinion, and to be honest… I’d be happy to be proven wrong. ;)
I disagree with a few of your opinions, but that is par for the course. I do find it disheartening that many of the same women who tell me “your body, your life, you are free to seek sex with whoever you want (as long as nobody gets hurt)” can be heard saying mocking and disparaging things about women they know who do exactly that. And men say very unflattering things about women who actively seek sex, and the peer pressure/reputation thing kicks in again.
I agree with you that all this is horribly unfair. I see it as being based around ancient tribal customs which control female fertility, and probably instincts older than that, given the disparity in the cost of reproduction between males and females.
There is another aspect to the problem of actively seeking sex. I remember being told once that if I wanted to get laid, all I had to do was hang out in the tavern at Festival because “almost anybody can get laid at Festival”. The problem I have with that is that I am unlikely to want to have sex with some random person who would pick me up in a tavern at Festival. Sort of like the Groucho Marx quip about not wanting to join a club that would have him as a member. :P